Learn how to distinguish pain and find joy after a breakup.
Source: BreakUpAdviceOnline

A break up can be on of the hardest things that one can go through. More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the person trying to end the relationship as it is on the person he or she is breaking up with. Don’t assume that just because a person is breaking up with you means that they no longer care about you. You must remember that caring and wanting a relationship are not one and the same.

But after all has been said, the emotional toll of a break up can be really really hard at first. It can be a painful experience that can drain one emotionally. But one needs to learn how to deal with it in a very mature way. Here are some food for thought that may be able to help you in coping up with your own break up.

1. Try to accept your sadness and be very kind to yourself. Try not to put too much undue pressure on yourself. Sure it will hurt but you must also realize that it won’t be a permanent thing. It won’t do you any good by trying to brood about it. Try to find some ways to make you forget all about the break up. Take some time off from work if necessary. Try to learn and accept that this person was put in your path for you both to learn and grow and remember the good things and value them. It was an experience that has made you wiser.

2. Treat and indulge yourself to some of life’s enjoyable pleasures. It’s good for you. Food might be the first treat that might come to mind, but try to be moderate. Stop counting calories and allow your body to tell you what to eat. Think of the type of exercise you would most love to do and start doing it. Try to start a hobby that you have wanted to do for a long time.

3. Try to ask yourself each day what you have to be grateful for. A break up and losing a love is not really all there is in the world. There are other things to be grateful for. Thinking about your life, that you still have a roof over your head or a job and friends or family that love you can put your mind in a different perspective. Being grateful for the sun shining and having enough to eat is sometimes very healing. It allows you to focus on the resent and what is possible and not what is past and is no longer.

4. Make it a habit of thinking up a list of all the things that are great about you and tell yourself. Make a list of all the qualities a lover will get when they discover you and re-read and add to them whenever you can think of something else.

5. Being broken up with does not mean that something is wrong with you. It is just a situation that you are in. A break up means that there is something that is not working in the relationship. You should try not to take the rejection too personally. Do not be so hard on yourself. Remember that there are a lot of other people in this world have had failed relationships. You are not alone. Just the fact that a relationship has failed says nothing about your value as a person.

6. It is always all right to cry, get mad and feel hurt when you get dumped in a relationship. It is normal to have these feelings. Just try to make sure that you let let out your feelings in a safe place, among friends or family. Do not make your ex the target of your feelings, even if they have done something to deserve your outrage. The sooner you let go of the other person, the sooner you can cope up with the break up. Only after you have accepted everything can healing begin.

7. Breaking up is never always easy. You will have good days and you will have bad days. You have to take it all in stride. Take it one day at a time and don’t beat yourself up and feel sorry for yourself if you have an overly emotional day.

8. Acting out in anger is never good for anybody. Sure. It is okay to feel angry but leave it as it is. Do not let it overcome you to do stupid things. Don’t try to spread mean or spiteful rumors against your ex because of anger. Don’t betray the other’s trust by telling their old secrets. If another person was the reason your break up, try to resist the urge to slam them and get even behind their back. Acting out in anger will only make you look bad. Any satisfaction that you may get from acting out in anger will be short lived. In the end, this kind of behavior will only make you feel even worse.

9. Things may look bleak for you after the break up, but you never know what the future may hold for you and your ex. There might still be a good chance that you might get back together someday. It is better for you to let go of a weakening relationship while there is still some caring left. If you try to play it rough to the bitter end, you may leave your ex no choice but to hate you enough to get rid of you forever. In doing so, you are close the door to any reconciliation with your ex. Bowing out graciously leaves room for any future relationship with your ex, even if it is just as good friends and not as lovers. Well, it’s still good than being bitter enemies.